would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
