I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize