Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
