I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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