I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize