think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
