an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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