i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
