you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
