So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
