When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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