She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
