would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
