My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize