Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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