On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
