she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
