i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
