Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We need to feng shui this bitch.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
