i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
