i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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