it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
that's an acceptable place to lick
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
