she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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