Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
