After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
