my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
