u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
