Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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