What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
