I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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