If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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