Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
