Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
