i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she pinky promised me she was 18
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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