he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
