my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
