How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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