Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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