You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize