At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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