She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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