Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
