I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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