OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize