But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
