this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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