I just cut my nipple shaving
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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