next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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