i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
