I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
