I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
