my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
