they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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