"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
