What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
