u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
