Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
