i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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