what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize