Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
