Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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