she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
