There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You were trust falling into bushes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize