first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
