My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
