Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
